Many friends and clients ask me to help them find love. Here is what I tell them:
Do not Search for Love; Create it
To love and be open to love vs. looking for it are two different things. Love will not come until our whole being is ready for it. To be ready and open to love, we must be at peace and in love with ourselves. Only then can we share our love with others.
By contrast, when we search for love, without loving ourselves, we are running in circles around our own insecurities.
Those who Look for Love Seek an Escape from Their Own Unhappiness.
When we are unhappy, new relationship will not cure the blues. It may bring us a short burst of joy, but it will also bring a multitude of new grievances. When I feel displeased with myself, no other person can bring me bliss. Despite the love and care of others, my inner dissatisfaction quickly takes control over my life.
How Can we be Happy when Others Make us Unhappy?
One of the main mistakes we make in creating happiness with others is inadequately assessing ourselves. We have a tendency to exaggerate our own accomplishments while downplaying certain unfavorable events and facts. We also like to blame others for our misfortunes. When talking to others, we frequently anticipate how they will react and what they will do instead of actually listening to them.
When I ask two divorcing adults why their marriage failed, they inevitably blame each other. I also frequently observe newly divorced partners jumping from one relationship to the other in search of a new “great love”. They never stop long enough to examine and understand what is happening to them personally. They are “seeking love” to escape the pain of a breakup but never develop themselves emotionally before starting a new relationship.
Every Man is the Blacksmith of his own Happiness.
The only way to find happiness in a new partner is to take the burden of our joy from the shoulders of others and put ourselves in charge of creating our own happiness. It is important to study and grow as stable emotionally intelligent being before rushing off into new relationships with others.
Nobody wants to be in a relationship with an unhappy, tired, unsatisfied, fearful, timid or impulsive person. No one is interested in a person who is searching for herself. So stop being that person. Become a confident, satisfied human who is happy with her own life. Stop searching for yourself and create yourself. Set aside your fears and prejudices, reinforce your inner values and start shining within.
Become The Person You Want To Meet.
Men know that in order to capture the heart of a “queen”, they must act like kings. Likewise, women who want to attract a good looking, fit, confident, reliable and emotionally stable man, should transmit the same values from within – be healthy, strong, financially independent, confident, feminine, loyal and most importantly free of drama.
Be Already Always Happy.
The only way to find a mature relationship is to create yourself as a joyous, beautiful, healthy, loving and committed person. Only when you are already whole on your own, you can become open to a deep mutual relationship, in which partners develop together, but not at the expense of each other.